“Anthony entered foster care at the young age of two and was adopted when he was four years old. He was the younger of two boys adopted by a family in Oklahoma. Six years after Anthony’s adoption was finalized and for reasons that still remain unclear, Anthony’s family drove him to a local hospital where he was admitted. His mother and father left to return to the family home and that was the last time he ever saw them. They never returned to collect the son who called them Mom and Dad for so many years. All the promises of a forever family were thrown out the window and this young boy was left alone, abandoned, frightened, and crushed emotionally. The worst part of all, he didn’t know when or if they were ever coming back for him because he was not in on the plan they orchestrated to abandon their child. Most people could not conceive that a parent could do this to a child, yet this was not their first time. You see, they did the exact same thing to their other adopted son a couple of years before, sadly enough.
When I began my journey in foster care, I had expected I would be caring for the children of parents who were not able to care for them. Never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate I would be parenting the child of two parents who had led lives that passed the extensive background check standards involved with parenting foster children, only just to abandon not one, but two of their children. The utter heartbreak Anthony and his brother must have endured after being failed twice by those who are supposed to love and support us the most, is overwhelming just to think about.
Before Anthony came into my heart and home, I had been fostering two brothers. They were four and ten years old. They had changed my life as well as well my understanding of how much a person could love another human being. They truly held my heart. I supported the boys and their parents to the best of my abilities throughout the 7 months they were placed with me, and until the Family Court determined that reunification with the birth parents was appropriate. All of this was decided within an hour of arriving at court. I had been through many hours of training to become licensed as a foster parent, but none of the instruction taught me how to say goodbye to these boys who possessed such a large chunk of my heart. The subsequent one-hour drive home was mixed with emotions. The idea that I would never again see boys that were part of my life for so many months brought me to tears for most of the drive. But when I thought about how wonderful it was that they were able to once again be home with their parents, it filled me with joy for the entire family.
Four days later, I received a call from my social worker asking, ‘Can you take in an 11-year-old boy, just for the weekend?’ I told her my heart was deeply saddened by the loss of the two boys that had just been reunified with their birth parents and I did not have an ounce of energy left to care for another child at that moment in time. I further explained I needed more time to grieve and the back-and-forth continued until she convinced me to take in the child, reminding me that it was only for the weekend. She had a way of always convincing me that it was the right child at the right time and boy was she right, especially in this situation.
Monday morning arrived. The social worker arrived at 10:00 a.m., a time we had agreed upon as I had lied to her and told her I was traveling to Texas at 11:00 a.m. and that I would be very displeased if she did not show up on time to pick him up. Knowing he was leaving, I decided to finally get up the nerve to ask why he was in foster care. The social worker then explained he had been abandoned by his biological mother at the age of two. He was placed with a family that served as elders in their church. They adopted him at age four and almost ten years later, the family that raised him, abandoned him at the hospital, never once returning to even visit. They signed an agreement relinquishing their parental rights and never looked back. I was completely shocked! I could not believe what I was hearing. I began to cry out of anger for what these people had done to this 11-year-old child.
On the 12th of November, I finally got to share my last name with the young man who is now officially my son. This is the blessing I am most thankful for in my life. It has been an amazing journey. I have fostered eleven children in the past three years and Anthony has been right beside me through it all. He has read more than 500 books in the last 19 months and has quickly made a number of amazing friends at church, school, and in the foster community. I’m amazed at how resilient and positive he is, despite all that he has had to endure.
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